


Make fools of us all (what have we to lose?)

by Diadem (pastelstarsandacid)



Series: Whatever our souls are made of [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Daemons laugh at your pain, Ed is an even bigger idiot, Hawkeye has no time for your bullshit, I regret nothing and everything, M/M, Someone please remove me from the internet, never refuse the free coffee, roy is an idiot, small bad tempered ghost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6206425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelstarsandacid/pseuds/Diadem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"You're staring." Avakhala whispers, swishing her tail against his leg insistently. Roy ignores her, quickly dropping his gaze and concentrating on filing the mind-numbing report that lies before him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Staring at what?" Ed demands sharply.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make fools of us all (what have we to lose?)

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not have re-read the entire _His Dark Materials_ trilogy last weekend, and decided to abuse Philip Pullman's creations with this thing. 
> 
> (If you haven't read the trilogy, by the way, you definitely should. It's fabulous and definitely worth your time.)

"You're staring." Avakhala whispers, swishing her tail against his leg insistently. Roy ignores her, quickly dropping his gaze and concentrating on filing the mind-numbing report that lies before him.

"Staring at what?" Ed demands sharply from his seat on the windowsill, looking up from the book he's been poring over for nearly two hours now. It's almost as big as he is, Roy thinks, but he doesn't make the mistake of pointing this out. As much fun as it may be, especially on an afternoon as sluggish as this, he knows it would quickly drive Ed out in a fit of rage, and he doesn't want him to leave just yet.

He's not entirely sure how it started- one day he just noticed Ed sitting there, unusually quiet and unassuming, scribbling out some post-mission paperwork. He'd looked so relaxed and genuinely _happy_  that Roy hadn't had the heart to move him; he'd just walked to his desk without a word, Avakhala padding softly in his wake. Ed seemed to have taken this as an invitation to use the window-seat as and when he pleased and, irksome as it could be when he forgot to clear him out before admitting guests (more often than not, military personnel, for yet another meeting that would end without solving a thing, or solve it, but not in a way that anyone was comfortable with) Roy was forced to admit that he rather liked having Ed around. He drifted in quietly each morning, like a small, bad-tempered ghost, and evaporated seemingly into thin air every evening, disappearing the moment Roy's attention was diverted somewhere else. He's never caught him in his hurried exit, and the only explanation he has for this is that Ed leaps directly out the window when his back is turned, somehow surviving the three-story fall to return the next day, possibly with coffee for them both (which he'll never refuse because, hey,  _f_ _ree coffee_ ).

It's been a few months now, and everyday he'll find Ed in the same place, unless he's off on yet another military operation. His presence has become so familiar that he worries if Ed _doesn't_  make an appearance at least once, and ends up calling Alphonse to check that _"_ _yes, he's fine, he's here with me and Shajaea, we're actually getting Xingese for dinner, would you like some?"_  (no, thankyou) or _"no, but I heard he was going to visit Winry and Faristo- something about his automail not responding as well as it used to- they're going to murder him this time, I swear, it was falling apart when I last saw him_. _"_

"Staring at what?" Ed repeats, jolting him from his reverie. Avakhala snickers quietly under her breath, and he shoots her a _look_.

"Nothing." he fixes a smile as the lies flow smoothly, with the ease of one practiced in such an art, from his lips. "Ava was just reminding me to concentrate on my paperwork."

Thankfully, Ed doesn't question how the lynx could even see him from her position beneath his desk, but it's a close call, and he's beginning to run out of lies to counter her unwelcome observances.

Marljivost, who has always had an eye for detail, pins him with a distinctly unimpressed look, ears twitching with amusement as he glares back. He's never yet won a staring contest with the tigress, and, despite his determination, he only holds out for two minutes before he's forced to look away and wipe his streaming eyes, returning to his paperwork to avoid getting roped into round two.

Marljivost shifts into a sparrow and flutters to the edge of his desk, peering through stacks of papers with feigned interest before turning away with a contemptuous snort. She's so close that he could reach out and touch her, if he wanted- if the taboo didn't prevent it. Her feathers catch the dying light that streams through the window, illuminating her with a pale, ethereal glow, as if she's made of the sun itself. It catches Ed, too, throwing dramatic shadows across his face, painting his skin a soft, dusky orange, and blurring his hard lines with its gentle touch.

He's rather pretty, he thinks as he watches him- it's not a word he'd often use to describe a man, but Ed is the very definition, with his delicate lashes like spun sugar; his wide, honey-coloured eyes, and soft, gold-silk curls. It doesn't make him any less intimidating- even beneath the bulky layers he's wrapped about himself to ward off the subtle chill that seems to permeate every corner of the room, his muscles stand out sharply; rough planes of coiled, dormant strength just waiting to be unleashed- but he's _pretty_ , and Roy can't help but admire him.

"Oh, my _god_." Avakhala rolls her eyes. "Either _ask_  him or get on with that invoice- it's not going to fill itself out, and, if my calculations are correct, we've got one hour left before Hawkeye comes and dumps something else on us for wasting too much time."

Roy almost impales himself on his own pen at her statement, but Ed doesn't seem to have noticed. He's engrossed in his research, frowning slightly as he scribbles something down on the notepad beside him. He breathes a sigh of relief.

"Typical." Avakhala yawns, clearly disgruntled by her failure. Roy glowers at her, but she doesn't even blink, just regards him like he's a particularly annoying insect that she can't quite decide whether it's worth the effort to kill. He supposes that, being a physical manifestation of his soul, it only makes sense that she'd embody his worst qualities as well as his best- much like himself, once Avakhala sets her sights on something, nothing in the world will ever persuade her to let it go until she's either got it, or it's gone. In this case, it's Edward Elric, and despite his repeated protestations that Ed is young, and has a whole life of choices and experiences ahead of him- a life that Roy could never dream of satisfying- she has yet to relent.

Marljivost gives them both a puzzled look and leaps from where she's perched on his chair, nestling into the folds of Ed's coat, now as a small brown bat. Many people consider it disturbing, that Ed's daemon still hasn't settled, but Roy can't find himself in agreement. Ed's still only seventeen, he has plenty of time, and besides, it's infinitely useful to have a daemon that can take any form. Unfortunately, the Magisterium don't see the benefits of Marljivost's ability. Roy shudders at the memory of their last encounter- those spindly men with their thin, hulking daemons, like shadows dancing silently in their wake, never fail to unsettle him in a way no-one else can. Their daemons seem more like _demons_  to him, and he's sure he's not alone in his sentiments. Even Ed admitted they were "pretty fucking creepy, to be honest."

Their interest in Ed and his brother has increased over the years, and now that Al's Shajaea has chosen her form (Ed had gushed about it for days on end- he smiles to himself at the memory) they've become increasingly concerned that Marljivost does the same. Their visits to Central are becoming more and more frequent, and, though he hates to admit it, Roy is worried. If Marljivost doesn't settle soon, he has no idea what they'll do. He only knows it won't be good.

"It'll be fine." Avakhala hums softly, sensing his discomfort. "We won't let them get to him. Now focus."

Roy nods solemnly, but he can't quite shake the heavy sense of foreboding that's settled in his bones, and the words blur together in his mind, devoid of all meaning. After reading the same sentence three times and not understanding a word, he just gives up, searching for something else to drive away his intrusive thoughts. His gaze settles on Ed again, and he watches as he brushes a strand of gold from his face, tugging on it gently to unravel a knot. He's so tantalisingly close that Roy can count every one of his eyelashes, so thick and numerous he's surprised they don't tangle together when he blinks-

"You're doing it again." Avakhala reminds him without so much as looking, and this time, it doesn't go past Ed without detection.

"They're talking about us, aren't they?" he murmurs. Marljivost's grin mirrors his own, and she nips his hand affectionately.

"Most likely." she answers, and despite the situation, Roy has to resist the impulse to laugh. Marljivost rarely speaks, preferring to express herself by changing her shape to suit her mood, but when she does, it's in a voice so ridiculously quiet and shy that it's a struggle _not_  to find it hilarious. She's aware of this, of course. It's as sore a subject to her as Ed's height is to him. They mirror eachother in that aspect, though Roy would rather face Ed's fury a thousand times than risk invoking Marljivost's wrath. He made that mistake once. _Once_.

"I honestly don't know what you see in him." Avakhala goes on without preamble, as if she's talking about the weather. Her opportunity has finally arisen, and Roy knows she isn't going to waste it. "I mean, his daemon is _gorgeous_ , but-" she makes a face.

"Okay, they're _definitely_  talking about us." Marljivost decides.

"And insulting us." Ed finishes, eyes glittering darkly.

"Oh, I wasn't talking to _him_." Avakhala tosses her head defiantly at Roy as if to say _just try and stop me, I dare you_. Traitor.

"Then who were you-" Ed breaks off suddenly, a look of nervous horror slowly spreading across his face. "Wait, no. I don't- that's not-" It's almost funny how words fail him as he panics, but Roy can only sympathise as he flounders under Avakhala's cool stare. "I- are you _hearing_  this shit?" he yells, directing his anger at the easiest target- Roy.

"Oh, he is." Avakhala sounds far too self-assured as she springs up onto the ledge, pressing so close to Ed that they're almost touching, but not quite. "Don't worry, dear. He's just too scared to acknowledge it, the wimp."

Roy raises his head from where it's buried in his hands to deliver the most vicious glare he can muster, but she doesn't quail.

"I am _not_  scared." he growls.

Avakhala laughs, a clear, musical sound. "Then _prove it_." she challenges.

Roy considers his options. On the one hand, continuing this conversation is going to make him look like a massive fool, and no doubt come back to haunt him in the not-too-distant future. On the other hand, discontinuing it will do exactly the same, only he'll also come out of it having not only hurt his own pride, but likely irreparably damaged Ed's as well.

It's an embarassingly easy decision.

"Ed." he begins. The blonde looks ready to commit murder, and Roy resists the urge to slip on his gloves under the table as he continues. "What Ava is trying- and doing a terrible job-" she opens her mouth to retort, but he fixes her with an stare so icy he's pretty sure the temperature in the room drops a few degrees, and she has enough sense to close it again. Unfortunately, in being interrupted, he's lost his train of thought.

He starts again. "What Ava is _trying_  to say is that we'd both very much like it-"

"-if you could join us for the military dinner next Friday night." Avakhala finishes.

"We already have a date for that." he protests.

"And now we have a better one." She _does_ have a point there, so he lets her observation pass without comment.

Ed just stares at him blankly.

"I'm aware that you probably have other plans, and I'm sure there are many things you'd much rather be doing than spending an evening with me." Roy tries to keep his tone light, but it comes out bitter and heavy with disappointment. "But I want you to know that, even if it was just as friends, there is nobody I would rather spend my time with than you. And Marljivost, of course." he adds hastily.

Ed continues to stare at him for a moment that seems more like several to Roy, before something seems to click.

"Wait." he frowns, scrunching up his nose in confusion. It's so incredibly _cute_  that Roy has to resist the urge to say it out loud, knowing all too well that any chance he might have with Ed, small as it may be, will instantly be destroyed by such a remark. "So...you're asking me on a date?"

"Only if that's what you want." Roy replies softly, while inside he's screaming _say yes, say yes, please just say yes_.

Ed considers this for a moment, digesting his assertion with agonising slowness, before looking at Marljivost, back in her familiar tiger form, for confirmation. She nods sagely.

"You're aware that I've never actually been on a date, right?" is the first thing he says, and now it's _Roy's_  turn to be confused. Is this a yes? It's definitely not a no, he decides, and that's good enough for now.

"I did take that into account, yes." is his reply. He winces at how emotionless it sounds, like a business transaction. Avakhala does not look impressed.

"And yet you still want to take me to some fancy event and show me off, knowing that I'll probably make everyone hate us by being rude to the servers, or not knowing what some fancy sauce is because it's written in a language I can't understand, or just by being me in general?"

"Yes, I do- hold on a minute, what?" Now it's Roy's turn to stare. "What the hell do you mean, by 'being you in general'?"

"Oh, no." Avakhala mutters.

"Well, you know." Ed shrugs.

"I'm afraid I don't."

"Oh, god." Avakhala groans. " _Stop_."

Ed gives her an odd look. "You know." he repeats "'Volatile, uncivilised, and frankly just a waste of space'?" And Roy flinches, because these are his very own words, thrown back at him like a slap in the face.

"Now you've done it." Avakhala shakes her head and turns away, as if the whole thing is painful to watch, which, to be fair, it probably is.

"You're not a waste of space." Roy sighs tiredly.

"But-" Roy cuts him off.

"You're _not_  a waste of space." he insists. "And as for being 'volatile', well, I don't think we would have made it very far against the homunculi if you hadn't been willing to throw caution into the wind when the situation called for it."

"Okay, but still-"

"Edward Elric, I swear, if you do not _shut up and let me finish_  I will _make you_." Roy snaps. "Now listen. You're not a waste of space. You _are_ rude and obnoxious and utterly dense at times-"

"Says the one who couldn't even look him in the eyes five minutes ago." Avakhala mumbles under her breath.

"-but you're also strong, and beautiful, and brave. You're a goddamn hero. You _inspire_  people, Ed. Every one wants you, or wants to be you, or both. And for damn good reasons."

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Avakhala huffs. Ed just looks stunned, as if hit over the head with something extremely heavy. Marljivost is nowhere to be seen.

The office is silent for a moment. Roy leans back in his chair and places a hand over his eyes in a futile attempt to shield himself from the aftermath of his own idiocy.

Ed clears his throat awkwardly. "Alright. I'll go."

Roy sits up so abruptly he's pretty sure he pulls a muscle in his back. "You what?"

Ed flushes angrily. "I _said_ , I'll go on a fuckin' date with you, you dumb bastard- and don't you dare make me say it again."

Roy's face chooses this moment to split into what feels to him like a smile, but, judging by Ed's mildly horrified expression, looks more like something Gluttony would come up with when viewing his next meal. With that thought, the smile is quickly wiped away.

"I look forward to it." Ed offers him a shadow of a grin, and Roy's heart does an annoying little dance in his chest.

He turns back to his paperwork. Ed immerses himself in his book. If it weren't for the warm, excited feeling that hums contentedly in his veins, and Avakhala's annoyingly smug expession, Roy could almost convince himself that nothing had ever happened.

Ed looks up suddenly, as if a thought just occurred to him. "When you were saying all that shit about how great and wonderful and heroic I was-"

"-as well as obnoxious and dense." Marljivost recalls, crawling out from a fold in Ed's jacket as a spider.

"That too." Ed notes, but he doesn't seem particularly offended. "Well, before that you said something about making me shut up if I didn't."

"Yes?" Roy has a feeling he knows where Ed's going with this.

"How exactly did you intend to _make_  me, then?" Ed flashes him a crooked grin that's more teeth than anything, and even though he's expecting it, his request still catches Roy off-guard.

He coughs awkwardly. "Well-"

"Oh, just kiss him, you fool." Avakhala makes a disparaging noise, darting out a paw to catch Marljivost, who's stalking towards Roy in a threatening manner, clearly upset by the possibility that Roy is about to violate her human in his office. "Good god, our reputation as a notorious flirt is going to be _ruined_  at this rate- oh, stop that, you." She pins Marljivost to the carpet, much to the other daemon's chagrin.

Roy glances at Ed, who looks like he's trying very hard not to laugh, and he has to admit, he really could kiss him at this moment. So he does.

"General, I have Colonel Roberts in the lobby, and I've stalled him for as long as I can but he's absolutely _insistent_  that I- oh."

Riza doesn't even look surprised. Ed, however, springs back so fast he hits the wall, and Roy can't help himself anymore- he doubles over, laughing so hard that tears stream down his face.

"I told you." Cioscian doesn't look up from preening his feathers. Riza smiles archly.

"Ten minutes." she instructs him sternly, before closing the door behind her. Roy snickers, sinking back into his chair as he wipes his streaming eyes. He's just regaining his composure when he's unexpectedly presented with a lapful of Edward Elric.

"Ten minutes, huh?" his eyes sparkle mischievously. "That's rather a lot of time..."

"It is." Roy smirks. "But it would be a dreadful scandal if someone were to walk in and find us in a...compromising position."

"Ed, no." Marljivost warns him.

"It would, wouldn't it?" he ignores her, all the while lazily winding his arms around Roy's shoulders. His smile is almost demure, but his eyes burn with a wicked gleam. "I suppose we'd best make it quick, then."

Avakhala looks triumphant.

(Colonel Roberts, on the other hand, does not, when he bursts into Roy's office five minutes later.)

**Author's Note:**

> Just another casual reminder to read _His Dark Materials_ from your friendly neighbourhood Pastel.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated! Especially since I might adapt this into a series? ???? Like idk just humour me please.
> 
> The Magisterium, in case you were wondering, is an organisation from _His Dark Materials_. If you didn't guess, well, they're kinda evil.
> 
> Oh, and if anyone wants to know the name origins for each daemon:
> 
> Avakhala- Marathi, derived from _Avakhaḷa_ , meaning "fiery" ~~original amirite~~
> 
> Marljivost- Croatian, meaning "diligence"
> 
> Faristo- Esperanto, meaning "maker"
> 
> Shajaea- Arabic, meaning "courage"
> 
> Cioscian- Esperanto, meaning "omniscient"


End file.
